interrogated by mr. miyagi

i pull into the canadian border station. the patrol guy comes up to my window. he looks like a young, mr. miyagi. i already have my passport, license, car registration and proof of insurance ready for him. he checks them out and then starts firing away with the questions (i'll forgo the accent for both our sakes) -

where you from? n.c. have you ever been to canada? no. what brings you to canada? just travelling and coming to see a show in winnipeg tonite. what show? where? wolf parade/arcade fire. burton cummings theatre. how long you been travelling? about 2 weeks now. are you employed? not currently, i quit my job about a month ago to go travelling. i see? so where have you been staying? well, state parks, truck stops... kind of camping out of the car. so you're homeless? in a way, i guess. i see? how long do you plan to stay in canada? probably a few days. definitely tonite and 1 or 2 more days. have you ever been denied entry into canada? no. i already said i'd never been to canada. how much money do you have with you? well about 40 canadian and about 25 usd. credit cards? yes, one with about $3000 left on it. hmm... i see? your car looks pretty rough? yeah, it's gotten me this far though. hmm... i noticed when you pulled in you used your emergency brake. do you not have brakes? no, i do. it's just that they were acting up a little this morning. so you don't have brakes? no, i do. you can check yourself. really, they're fine. they were just acting up a little. they tend to stick some. okay well, pull over there and stay in your car. i pull over to the side. he's in the station for about 15 minutes running a check on me; then comes back out. okay well why don't you take the larger bags out of your car? i take out my bags and suitcases. ok, stand over there. he points about 15 feet in front of the car. canadian soil! woo-hoo!! he searches my car for a good 30 minutes. tic-toc... tic-toc... i stare at the sky; breathe the air; kick some rocks around; stretch; pace back and forth; sit down; stand up. jesus h. christ, mr. miyagi! taking your fucking time, aren't ya? this must be one of your patience exercises you use on all your little 'daniel-sons.' fucker. i look at the manitoba sign and smile - shit, i'm in manitoba. chuckling now. fucking manitoba. laughing out loud. how the hell did that happen? mr. miyagi is looking thru my glove compartment now. OH SHIT, MY SERVICE RECORDS ARE IN THERE! now my messenger bag. SHIT! MY JOURNAL IS IN THERE! i can see he's reading something of mine very closely. he grabs one of my suitcases and tells me to follow him inside the station. so, it sounds like you haven't been able to get your car problems fixed? ah, so! i see you did read something of mine. service records? journal? well did you read all of my journal? that part how i crane-kick your ass if you give me shit and don't let me thru. well i had some work done the last few days. new master cylinder; brake line; and i actually got the brakes checked out this morning. it all turned out fine. no lie. according to this. ok... well empty your pockets. i do. mr. miyagi dumps everything from my wallet on the counter; then the same with my suitcase he's brought in. he asks me more random questions while sifting thru my stuff. feels like hours are going by. damn you, mr. miyagi you're tests of patience are too much for me! he finishes going thru all my belongings, then waves his hand for me to pick it all up. well, you seem to check out fine; you don't have a criminal record, or anything. i nod. tell me, something i don't know. but... i don't like "the cosmetics" of your car. ok. and you have come here with very little money. i have a $3000 credit card. i just don't like carrying a lot of cash on me for safety reasons. i've got some money in the bank too. well, how do i know that? i can show you my balance on the internet. (he quickly cuts me off) we don't have internet. right... sure you don't, mr. miyagi. a police/border patrol station and i see what? 1... 2... no, 3, computers in back of you. but no internet? on any of them? really? well, i don't like your car and you don't seem to know how long you are going to be here? well if i'm, ALLOWED ENTRY, then definitely tonite and then 1 or 2 more days. i already said this. ok. well, i need you to sign this form. take it over there and they'll let you thru.

i read the form...

"I HEREBY, RELINQUISH MY RIGHTS TO TRAVEL WITHIN CANADA AND MUST IMMEDIATELY RETURN TO THE UNITED STATES..."