a walk along the river

sometimes when you're homesick and far from home, the last thing you want is to talk to someone you know. you just want to let the feeling pass thru you, and for it to end; maybe it does and maybe it doesn't. i called jill even though a big part of me didn't want to. wanted to let her know that i made it to her old town and also to find out where her church is. there's no chance of me finding it when i don't even know its name. she asked where i was; told her i was walking along the cedar river in cedar falls. she seemed surprised. shit, i am too. what the fuck am i doing here? think about that a lot these days. we had a brief conversation. found out the church is actually in a small town 20 minutes south of waterloo in gilbertville, ia. the immaculate conception. i didn't mention the car troubles, which have got me thinking more and more about endings. didn't say much really.