a genuine boy with a guilty smile

i sure look like i'm up to no good in this picture. the greasy messed up hair. the maniacal grin. plus the deathcab's skull and switchblades. what could i possibly be i up to? what...?

well kids, why don't you just sit back and relax. get all warm and cozy in front of your monitors. as i share with you...

empty bladder. full on evil.

a love story by jamie carroll

the SUV driver stops his vehicle abruptly in the middle of the road. yells out the window, "hey, what the fuck? i waved at you and you didn't wave back! who do you think you are?" i look over my shoulder. ignoring his threats. still urinating. "can't a guy take a wiz on the side of the road and not be bothered by passers-by," i think to myself.

the driver's door opens. his feet touch the ground. i sense him approaching from behind. "hey, i'm talking to you!" i continue to ignore him. "i'm talking to you, you little shit! where's my fucking wave?!"

he pokes me fiercely between the shoulder blades. the force of which causes my smooth flowing urine to sputter and splash all over my hands and down my pant leg. "oh, it's on now motherfucker!" i zip up. turn around. "you want to interrupt me mid-stream? i'll interrupt your stream - permanently!"

i send a nicely wrapped roundhouse kick to his groin. chuck norris style. but he refuses to quit. keeps fussing. just at a higher pitch now. "wave at me!!" he screeches.

i quickly reach in the back of my car for my now half-frozen jug of piss. i hit him over the head with it. repeatedly. until he loses consciousness.

then i resume what i was doing before i was so rudely interrupted. and relieve myself all over the man's unconscious body crumbled on the ground before me. then i throw his body under the hood of my car. stuff him in nice and tight. and wave a final hello and goodbye. "i love you! bye bye! i'll be flushing you down some random shitter soon enough." i smash the hood down. then latch it shut as best i can.

to commemorate such a joyous occasion, i took this snapshot.

the end.

*though these events may have taken place, it's much more likely that they didn't and this all a bunch of horseshit i just made up. if that's the case, my expression in the picture is not a reflection of any evil thoughts and/or doings but rather a reflection of my sheer and utter joy and relief after having taken the world's longest piss. i can see why there might be some confusion though. we all know i am just a good kid with a goofy smile... who is sometimes mistaken for a serial killer, that's all.

and now a song...

sons and daughters - taste the last girl