Another Farewell To The Wang Of America

we had a great time at the beach, but it's time we get out of this heat,
and head back to birmingham, al (where it might be one degree cooler)."woo-hoo!! i'm leaving florida!! forever!! ...again!!"

A Day At The Beach Part II

A Day At The Beach

taken at various shorelines from Ft. Walton to Panama City Beach.

The Morning After

cindy at 7am.still sleepy & delirious, after a long, hot, uncomfortable nite in my car.

i guess sleeping in cars isn't cut out for everyone. she was a good sport though. even after i woke us both up, kicking and screaming from my re-occuring nightmare of someone breaking into the car again.

A New World Record In Absurdity

i wound up staying the rest of the week at cindy's in birmingham, al. fortunately, i slept in her apartment, and not my car, as temperatures were in the 90s for the majority of my time there.

when friday finally rolled around, we decided, rather spontaneously, to escape the city, for some surf and sand. we drove down to a certain place i swore i'd never go back to, after having previously sweated away 16+ years of my life there - FLORIDA!!! HELL!!!

we left around 6pm, and arrived in Ft. Walton Beach, FL by midnight. as fate would have it, all the campgrounds were booked, and neither of us had much money for a hotel room, so...

cindy and i spent the night in my car in my 20th different walmart parking lot - The Walmart of Ft. Walton Beach, FL!! Guinness Book of World Records, here i come!

it was uncomfortably warm, as you could probably imagine, and a little cramped, the two of us trying to sleep in the back of my car. her ass was in my face the whole night. literally. not that i'm complaining. but if she had farted...

needless to say, i'm grateful and lucky to have someone like cindy, who is, at the very least, equally as crazy as i am, and willing to sleep in my car with me.

Gravy Delight

by 7am, and after some much needed freshening up (done, as usual, in the walmart bathroom, and in the front seat of my car), i'm feeling more or less awake, and ready to get back on the road.

i continue my way, southward (to cindy in birmingham, al). along the way, i get extremely lost in memphis, tn, and quickly realize, memphis, tn, is not a good place to get extremely lost in. err...

eventually (after an hour or so), i get on the correct hwy, just to find myself stuck behind this truck.

at first glance, i didn't notice anything unusual about this truck, or its advertisement, but upon closer inspection, i began to wonder - why is a chubby-faced little boy, in this advertisement at all? why is he smiling with "GRAVY DELIGHT" over "BEEF FLAVOR DOG FOOD?"

i suspect most persons would get a mild, to extreme case, of the juicy poos if they were to actually eat a can of "BEEF FLAVOR DOG FOOD." therefore, i suppose, one could argue, "GRAVY DELIGHT," is actually a metaphor, for diarrhea, and the joy, it brings. yes? no?

perhaps, no?

hardly a threat?

another nite spent in my car, another nightmare of someone trying to break into it. i don't know that i can continue doing this.

i immediately jump from my slumber, upon the sounds of nearby footsteps, and panting. in my still-dreaming mind, i fear someone is just outside my vehicle, trying to break in. i blindly look out my car window, my eyes still suffering from sleep and extreme nearsightedness. my nose touches glass, before i clearly see what's in front of me.

someone is looking right at me!

i hide back down under the covers in the rear of my vehicle. after a few moments, the stranger passes. i slide into the front seat of my car and put on my glasses. i glance out my window once again, seeing the stranger off in the distance. and then i realize,

it's just an old man doing laps in the walmart parking lot.

the last time? not likely

i travel thru the scenic waterways of the Ozarks as night falls. by midnight, i'm lost in pocahontas, ar and being pulled over, yet again, for my broken tail light (making it 9 or 10 times total now, with 0 tickets - woohoo!! i must admit i've gotten pretty good at talking with cops). coincidentally, he's pulled me over right in front of a walmart, where it appears i am destined to spend another night (if my math is right, that will make it 19 different walmarts i'll have slept at).

the officer and i exchange pleasantries. i explain i'm a little lost, and working my way to birmingham, al, but likely to spend the rest of this nite right here, at the walmart. by the end of the conversation, he's politely giving me directions and wishing me a good night whether i spend it at the walmart or elsewhere. making no mention of my broken tail light. nor of my broken rear turn signal, which i assume escaped his notice.

the last time, i swear

i spend yet another night, in my car, at the walmart parking lot, of columbia, mo. upon waking, i realize, "wow, i really don't want to spend another night, in my car, at the walmart parking lot, of columbia, mo."

so, around 5pm, i leave. i leave columbia and its walmart behind... for good? i head south, thru rural missouri, on my way to cindy, in birmingham, al. a couple hours pass before i finally give in to the temptation of previous trends-

THE DEATHCAB GOES TO CHURCH

IN VIENNA, MO.