homeless again

i slept in the back of my car last nite, for the first time in over 2 months. yet again, at the walmart parking lot of columbia,mo.

i wake at 6am, thinking someone is breaking into my car (again). i jump up in fright, smacking hard against the ceiling of my car, then back down again. i anxiously peer out all of my car windows, for signs of... anyone. but there is no one. it is all a dream.

at 8am, i wake again, unable to sleep, due to the heat of the rising sun.

what do i do now?

warning signs

around 3am, i was awakened by the sounds of my, presumably drunken, college roommate, stumbling into the bathroom (which shares a wall with my bedroom), heaving, and puking, numerous times, with remarkable consistency and repitition. i imagine this was due to a rather long, intoxicating night of post-final exam glee, which i imagine most of columbia, a college town, also took part in. needless to say, the staccato of vomit splashing against a toilet wall, is not a pleasant thing to wake up to in the middle of the night, or any time of night, or day, for that matter.

i groggily re-awoke, at about 9am, having pretty much made up my mind, i wasn't sticking around for another night of "celebrations." i packed up my last belongings, showered, and by early afternoon, i was out of the apartment for good, having left my house key, with a "friendly" goodbye note, on the kitchen counter. i, unfortunately, forgot to also leave behind my dirty long johns, hanging from my bedroom ceiling. for some reason, i took them down and threw them away, before i left. how could i have made such a stupid mistake?

i drove around town, to clear my head, and quickly came across this sign, that easily did the trick... "hmm, testicle festival..?"

wait, did that say, "testicle festival"?! i didn't get enough sleep. my eyes must be crossing, and mixing up the words. focus, jamie... focus... no, wait! that definitely says, "testicle festival"! holy fuck?! what the hell is that about?! well, i know what it's about, but what the hell is that about?!

what could this so-called "testicle festival" be? a celebration of male homosexuality? a marathon, or other such sporting event, whose proceeds go to curing various nut ailments and diseases? NO! through hours of exhaustive research, i've discovered - this article! explaining that the "testicle" referred to in "testicle festival," is that which formerly belonged to any vivacious bull or turkey, and has since been ripped off by the powerful, willful hand of man, then appropriately deep-fried, and served by the fistful to the masses, under the guise of, "mountain oysters."

*note to self - never order, or accept, mountain oysters from any place, or person. ever!*

*another note to self - i need to get the fuck out of missouri! these people are crazy! they eat bull and turkey testicles for fun! what could these animals possibly have done, to deserve getting their testicles ripped off and eaten?! what's going to happen if i piss off a local missourian?! are my nuts going to end up in their mouth?!*

my dirty long johns

sitting alone in my near empty apartment.

i finished packing most everything today, and put it all back into my car again. cindy called while i was doing so, and asked if i was going to miss my apartment.

"nope. glad to be leaving. the only thing i'm gonna miss is my long johns hanging from my ceiling (which i'm thinking of leaving as a memento for my roommate to remember me by)."

my dirty long johns hanging from my bedroom ceiling -
the main stay of my columbian apartment experience.

dirty from paint, of course. they've been up and hanging since, almost, day one. i gave up on them as clothing a long time ago. they are a bit too tight, up in the crotch, and around the waist, to wear comfortably. not enough breathing room. but, they've made a perfect (ly strange) paint rag for the last 2 months.

plans of leaving/friends from out of town

so, it appears i'm going to be homeless a little sooner than i thought. hurray, homeless!! i had anticipated living in my apartment thru the 1st of june, especially considering i prepaid my rent thru that time, but my roommate recently informed me that he is moving out and turning off all the utilities this weekend. so, i decided it would be best for me to move out this weekend as well. we agreed to let my left-over, pre-paid, rent money cover the utilities i still owe. thus, neither of us is screwing the other one over, or we're both screwing each other over. in any case, this is all a little bit of an inconvenience, as i wasn't expecting to have to live in my car so soon, if ever, again. but it's fine. it's about time to be moving on, anyway.

fortunately, though, for me and my friends, candice and john (fennell), i still have the apartment for the next few days, for they are visiting from boone, nc, on their way out to portland, or, and are in need of a place to stay. and i am happy to oblige. hurray, friends!! by the way, candice is who i hung out, and watched mad max with, my last nite in boone.

they wound up crashing at my place for a nite, and i crashed with them (on the living room futon), drunk on a couple bottles of wine left over from my reception. locals, jonny pez (he of the broken arm and beatles-esque haircut) and his friend, brandon (he of the lambchops and trenchcoat), eventually showed up as well. the rest is pretty self-explanatory.

photos by candice paulk. except photos of candice paulk.

candice and john left the following morning, much to my dismay, but they gave me lots of hugs before they were on their way westward, likely enjoying a funfilled day, driving thru... KANSAS!! yey!! on I-70! yey! only the most boring interstate in all the country! yey!