losing my virginity

harold and kumar on the boob tube at luke's.

meet luke

ah yes, our friendly bartender - luke. stayed past closing time drinking with the ol' feller. he took my jager-blaster (aka jager bomb) virginity. i love me some jagermeister; any form - shots, on the rocks, or my favorite - a dr. jager. but i couldn't help feeling it a waste to mix jagermeister with red bull. it's actually not bad; but still a little too tart for me. so, luke bartends a couple nights at the great northern and he's also a professional golf instructor - on contract for 2 more years in fargo. if i remember correctly, he's 26yrs old (like me) and moved (back?) to fargo from arizona (not like me). ladies, if you're interested and passing thru fargo - i'll get you his number. we just had a regular good old time - talking sports, ladies, drinks, movies... regular guy shit. he said the great northern parking lot would be a safe place to sleep. one of the dishwashers sleeps out there in his truck every nite. so, i had moved my car there earlier; but after hanging out all nite, he offered to let me crash at his place. so we went to his apartment, where he proceeded to take my harold and kumar virginity, and we fittingly passed out at 4:20am.

meet mike and colin

continue to chill at the bar. there's 4 bands playing tonite. and i found out wolf parade is playing here on oct. 12th if i happen to stick around long enough. might lessen the sting from the canadian misadventure. the first two acts are pretty ridiculous hardcore screamo bands. the people working the bar are even cracking jokes about them. i get up and wander around; squeezing between all these goth-punk kids. it amazes me that goth has spread like an infection to even the most remote parts of the world. just like fake boobs... i go outside to the porch area. sit down on some steps. just staring around at everybody. this guy comes up; asks me if i'm from here - fargo. no. just travelling thru. oh really me too. i'm mike, why don't you come sit down with us? ok. sit down at his table; introduces me to colin and gordon and maybe another person. start chatting. turns out these guys are in the next two bands about to go up. hmm... ?? do i want to be talking to them? colin is the colin of colin spring. and mike is the mike of at the spine; and he plays guitar for colin too. don't know about gordon? but these guys are damn cool. turns out they're on tour from seattle. been on the road just over 2 weeks. "strange? that's how long i've been on the road; and we're all meeting pretty close to the middle of the country." i went back and sat at the bar when colin went on. ordered another drink. he starts strumming his guitar and singing a folk-rock kind of number. i think i saw 4 heads explode. no one knew what to make of it. this... this... music? i don't hear screaming... or... or... loud guitar riffs.... what is this? i liked it. especially with the contrast of the previous shitty bands. at the spine is loud and energetic; in a good way. had a sonic youth kind of vibe to it. i might just have sonic youth on the brain. good guys. good music. check em out...

meet eva

sitting at the bar. start chatting with the bartender, luke. cool guy. i'm drinkin a beer now... this girl sits down next to me; orders some pink cocktail. she says something to me. i don't know what, so i smile. i'm sipping my beer staring at a football game on the tv. it's really mesmerizing when you haven't watched tv in so long. she breaks my attention; asks me to watch her drink for her while she goes outside real quick. i do. nothing happens. she comes back and thanks me. i say, "not a problem. i did have to fend off that big burly guy over there though..." and point to a grizzly trucker dude at the end of the bar, playing video poker. she doesn't hear me though. i repeat it, but it's not even funny to me anymore. so, she starts talking to me now. tells me her name is eva. now i notice eva isn't looking at me while we talk; she's looking down at the ground. i'm having a hard time understanding anything her forehead is saying. lots of me leaning over asking, "hold on, say that again..." some time goes by. i order my second beer. she's already on her 3rd cocktail. eventually, i catch that she's left her glasses at home and can't really see all that well. this might explain why she's been staring at my bar stool and not my pretty face. she says she only lives a block down the road though, so getting blind drunk isn't much of a worry for her. so, i'm staring at the tv, talking with luke, eva and i chat every couple minutes. she gets up again and has me watch her drink once more. no jokes about it this time. but then... (remember she's partially blind and tipsy) she says (fargo accent)... do you know who you look like? who? keanu reeves. i look at her and i heard her just fine; but ask "hold on say that again..." she continues, it's really uncanny how much you two look alike. it's like i'm sitting at a bar with keanu reeves. i think i about it? keanu reeves? never heard that one before. tell her as much. so we shoot the shit some more and then she stumbles out to meet some friends.

now, as i'm looking up pictures of keanu reeves, i think she may have been on to something. there is a slight resemblance? what do you think no way! or yah, dude!?

the great northern

alright! a bar! just sit down and get myself a beer... or two... or more... oh, look an animal head! haven't seen those everywhere in these parts - actually, suprisingly, i haven't. not a one. i have noticed a lot of birds though; and a lot of bird-kill as a result. big birds too - these thick, meaty, flesh-eating looking things. maybe that's why they were run over...

big lights, small city

had some coffee at the red raven espresso bar before checking out downtown fargo,nd; and moorhead city,mn - which is a hop, skip, and a jump away. it's like the small town-twin cities equivalent to minneapolis and st. paul. actually fargo is a lot bigger than you would imagine. and so are the women. not all of them. overheard some guy talking about this bar called the Great Northern. the car hasn't acted up at all today, so i might head there and treat myself to a beer.

one good thing

checked out the columbia mall here, which is as expected... a mall. nothing too exciting. i did find what's turned out to be a really good book - I WISH SOMEONE WERE WAITING FOR ME SOMEWHERE by ANNA GAVALDA. had to buy it for the title alone; but it's an entertaining collection of short stories that tug at the heart strings. hold on, i just shed a tear. well, having found one good thing in grand forks - it's time to leave. off to fargo!!

grand forks... yet, again

spent last nite at the same truck stop i stayed the nite before. feels like months ago. passed out early and slept like a baby. worked at the library some this afternoon doing updates, but this town kinda blows. i did hear an interesting conversation while sitting in my car in the parking lot of target. yes, the same target my brakes locked up on me at yesterday. this guy walks by pushing a shopping cart filled with groceries and whatever else, and says to himself aloud, "now, if only i could get laid..." he spotted me just as he said it. we exchanged funny looks.

starting mileage - 200759
hanging out in - grand fucks, nd

when to take no for an answer / message to scott

so, yeah? mr. miyagi dumped my ass, and i'm heading back to grand forks, nd. you're probably thinking i'm pretty upset at this point - driving all this way, and not even getting into canada?

but i did. remember? i was 15 feet into canada...

staring at the sky; breathing the air; kicking some rocks around; stretching; pacing back and forth; sitting down; standing up; looking at the manitoba sign...

and what about that manitoba sign? scott, my friend. you see what i see? i think you do. it might technically be a bison? maybe?... but you know what i'm getting at. i immediately thought of you when i was standing there, and knew everything would be fine. on the way back to grand forks i passed 3 trucks with a similar four-legged friend.

so, that's my canadian adventure, at least for the time being. not a single regret about it. sure, i didn't see a couple bands play, or get to check out winnipeg - but does that really matter? i made it. i made it in my own unique way. you know anyone else who's travelled to canada, on a whim, in a shitty car, and been booted out for it? mean either. i'll take it!!

money money money

i did decide to keep this 20 dollar bill as a memento. i liked the image and there's a little saying on it - could we ever know each other in the slightest without the arts? quite fitting.

a boy in pembina

so, back in the states, again. in pembina, nd on the way to grand forks for the nite. had to re-exchange some currency before i left this area. don't know what to do with about 44 canadian dollars outside of canada?

not again?...

in line at the u.s. border now. i give the patrol lady my "congrats on being booted out of canada" form. mr. miyagi had made it sound like i would be able to go right thru the border with that form; but that's, of course, not the case. i'm told to pull over once again and wait for an officer to come out to talk to me. 15 minutes go by. he brings me into the station and starts with the questions. so, have you ever been arrested for anything? nope. you sure? umm... (for some reason i actually have to think about this. been to jail a few times but i think it's always been to bail someone else out) nope, nothing i can think of. you have to think about it? no. so, if i pull up your record, i'm not gonna find anything? nope. you got nothing on me. why were you refused entry? i was told because of the "cosmetics" of my car. you know they can be hard about that. every car in canada already looks like yours, or worse. i chuckle... sadly. he directs me to pull my car into a garage and wait in the station while he inspects it. the garage door closes - a police officer... my car... alone... together. yeah, i felt pretty sick to my stomach. i wait and wait and wait... start thinking - it's probably illegal for me to be driving that car; in it's condition; endangering the safety of others. i bet they're gonna impound it and bring me back to the police station. they're gonna take to me jail just because i wanted to go to canada. a fitting way for this to end. "kid in crappy car gets busted for said crappy car while trying to cross canadian border." part of me wants that to happen. i wouldnt' have to worry about driving it anymore. could fly or take a bus somewhere; after i'm released from the station that is. he's just looking through all those service records; looking at the car; looking through my journal; i can see the gears in his head turning. well, if he lets me go, i guess i'll try to drive back down to grand forks, or fargo. figure something out there. maybe fly to denver? shit, i'm not gonna make it of here. 40 minutes or so go by. he walks back into the station. i wait for a response... he's not looking at me... i'm concerned. you're free to go. follow me. i'm relieved but not. the car, remember? he walks me out to the garage. gives me the keys and looks at me very much concerned. listen, you just be real careful, okay? real careful. take care of yourself and be safe. i nod my head, "i will. i will. thank you..." i get in the car and look around it's a complete mess. everything is in disarray. a photo of a friend bent in the dashboard console, some crumpled maps, the now crushed loaf of bread under the cooler, the mess of clothes, and bedding. there's the service records under some of the clothes; and there's the journal. the journal? on the floor of the front passenger seat, it is opened to my last entry (also known as exhibit D) - written from a gas station in pembina, nd just a couple hours prior. i felt sorry right then. i don't think for myself, but for the officer...

interrogated by mr. miyagi

i pull into the canadian border station. the patrol guy comes up to my window. he looks like a young, mr. miyagi. i already have my passport, license, car registration and proof of insurance ready for him. he checks them out and then starts firing away with the questions (i'll forgo the accent for both our sakes) -

where you from? n.c. have you ever been to canada? no. what brings you to canada? just travelling and coming to see a show in winnipeg tonite. what show? where? wolf parade/arcade fire. burton cummings theatre. how long you been travelling? about 2 weeks now. are you employed? not currently, i quit my job about a month ago to go travelling. i see? so where have you been staying? well, state parks, truck stops... kind of camping out of the car. so you're homeless? in a way, i guess. i see? how long do you plan to stay in canada? probably a few days. definitely tonite and 1 or 2 more days. have you ever been denied entry into canada? no. i already said i'd never been to canada. how much money do you have with you? well about 40 canadian and about 25 usd. credit cards? yes, one with about $3000 left on it. hmm... i see? your car looks pretty rough? yeah, it's gotten me this far though. hmm... i noticed when you pulled in you used your emergency brake. do you not have brakes? no, i do. it's just that they were acting up a little this morning. so you don't have brakes? no, i do. you can check yourself. really, they're fine. they were just acting up a little. they tend to stick some. okay well, pull over there and stay in your car. i pull over to the side. he's in the station for about 15 minutes running a check on me; then comes back out. okay well why don't you take the larger bags out of your car? i take out my bags and suitcases. ok, stand over there. he points about 15 feet in front of the car. canadian soil! woo-hoo!! he searches my car for a good 30 minutes. tic-toc... tic-toc... i stare at the sky; breathe the air; kick some rocks around; stretch; pace back and forth; sit down; stand up. jesus h. christ, mr. miyagi! taking your fucking time, aren't ya? this must be one of your patience exercises you use on all your little 'daniel-sons.' fucker. i look at the manitoba sign and smile - shit, i'm in manitoba. chuckling now. fucking manitoba. laughing out loud. how the hell did that happen? mr. miyagi is looking thru my glove compartment now. OH SHIT, MY SERVICE RECORDS ARE IN THERE! now my messenger bag. SHIT! MY JOURNAL IS IN THERE! i can see he's reading something of mine very closely. he grabs one of my suitcases and tells me to follow him inside the station. so, it sounds like you haven't been able to get your car problems fixed? ah, so! i see you did read something of mine. service records? journal? well did you read all of my journal? that part how i crane-kick your ass if you give me shit and don't let me thru. well i had some work done the last few days. new master cylinder; brake line; and i actually got the brakes checked out this morning. it all turned out fine. no lie. according to this. ok... well empty your pockets. i do. mr. miyagi dumps everything from my wallet on the counter; then the same with my suitcase he's brought in. he asks me more random questions while sifting thru my stuff. feels like hours are going by. damn you, mr. miyagi you're tests of patience are too much for me! he finishes going thru all my belongings, then waves his hand for me to pick it all up. well, you seem to check out fine; you don't have a criminal record, or anything. i nod. tell me, something i don't know. but... i don't like "the cosmetics" of your car. ok. and you have come here with very little money. i have a $3000 credit card. i just don't like carrying a lot of cash on me for safety reasons. i've got some money in the bank too. well, how do i know that? i can show you my balance on the internet. (he quickly cuts me off) we don't have internet. right... sure you don't, mr. miyagi. a police/border patrol station and i see what? 1... 2... no, 3, computers in back of you. but no internet? on any of them? really? well, i don't like your car and you don't seem to know how long you are going to be here? well if i'm, ALLOWED ENTRY, then definitely tonite and then 1 or 2 more days. i already said this. ok. well, i need you to sign this form. take it over there and they'll let you thru.

i read the form...

"I HEREBY, RELINQUISH MY RIGHTS TO TRAVEL WITHIN CANADA AND MUST IMMEDIATELY RETURN TO THE UNITED STATES..."

alright, here we go...

well, now that we're pretty much caught up; let's return to where we last left our boy, jamie. the canadian border...

grand forks... again

"9/30 fri 200527 - in grand forks. off to canada later on today. hope, there's no more car problems..." - journal entry from truck stop in grand forks, nd

3517 miles travelled. 15 days on the road.

alexandria... again

"drove into alexandria. emergency brake is stuck. found a mechanic. shook brake lines. good as new. i think?..." - journal entry from alexandria, mn

st. cloud service order (call this exhibit C)

"checked out 5 places. completely refused by one because of the condition of the car. finally got it taken care of. another rusted brake line..." - journal entry from st. cloud, mn

minneapolis... again

"9/29 thurs 200075 - didn't make it far past 200,000 miles. brakes went out in minneapolis. they're scaring me. tried stopping. it took forever and smelled of burning. never really came to a complete stop... " - journal entry from peaberry's in st. cloud, minnesota

3065 miles travelled. 14 days on the road.

waterloo service order (call this exhibit B)

"got the car back. only $186. new master cylinder. camping one more nite here..." - journal entry from george wyth state park in waterloo, ia

waterloo... again

"9/27 tues 199681 - the clutch is gone. gone. gone. 1st and reverse are all i've got. so i'm in iowa for a while i think. figure something out..." - journal entry from george wyth state park in waterloo, ia

2671 miles travelled. 12 days on the road.

the beginning... again

9/15 thurs - after much contempation, our boy finally decides to say goodbye; not knowing if his car will actually take him anywhere...

the initial bill of health (call this exhibit A)

9/6 tues - service order recieved. 9 days prior to departure...

another journal entry (prior to departure)

"9/5 mon - pushed back last day of work one more time - was last friday - just had to finally end it. still trapped in town. no brakes. no home. no job. sitting on a bench. drinking coffee, listening to music. writing this. hopefully get the car up and running tomorrow. hopefully. if not, then i'm stuck in town w/ my friends and family. could be worse. the weather's perfect today..." - journal entry from park bench in downtown boone,nc

signs of the apocalypse

"8/31 wed - have you ever seen the movie u-turn? sean penn - trapped in a town and all this random shit happens and he's never able to leave. he winds up dying there. hoping that's not happening to me here in boone. got this sinking feeling in my stomach though. last week my clutch started slipping. thought well, shit, figures. got it checked out was gonna cost like $470. so i drove it out to my sister's last night to get it worked on and at the last minute i changed my mind. decided it wasn't worth it and chances are something else would break down before the clutch went out completely (didn't think it would be this soon though). the clutch isn't too bad just stalls if i hold it in too long. so, i drive the car back home and then go out to a friend's for dinner. one of my contacts starts bothering me and i try to take it out and it tears in my eye. get out the shreds eventually and just dealt with being one-eye-blind. had a couple beers, then some ladies wanted us to make a beer run. so i decided i would take my car. start driving down some back roads off king st.; going downhill. stop sign ahead. start applying the brakes and FUCK ME!!!, my break pedal just falls to the floor and i'm gliding along - wee!! slowed down eventually and was able to turn off to a parking lot; just park the bitch. had a few heart palpatations there. eventually drove home (with one good eye) just staying in 2nd gear and spacing myself far away from other cars. so, now 2 out of the 3 pedals in my car are fucked. the gas works, but probably not for too much longer at this rate. and strange thing - once i got home; after a day of torrential downpours - there's this huge ass toad just sittin right in front of my door. won't budge. tried to nudge it away a few times with my foot, but no luck. raining frogs - one of the seven signs of the apocalypse, i think. seems only fitting. gonna get the car looked at tonite or tomorrow; see what the deal is. hopefully, not too much moola. driving as slow as a snail in the meantime. happy happy joy joy, jamie" - email sent to jill

journal entries (prior to departure)

"8/16 tues - i put in my two-weeks notice today. splittin town by the first of september..."

"8/26 fri - car troubles! clutch started going out. gonna get glenn's cousin to look at it. might have to push back my last day at work..."

"8/27 sat - i had the car looked at it. gonna cost about $470. guess i'll get it done and work a little more to help cover the cost. my last day at work is now 9/1..." - journal entries from boone, nc

meet his car

ladies and gentleman...boys and girls... INTRODUCING... the now INFAMOUS... no... LEGENDARY... car / home / friend / and... lover? to the boy of our story. put your hands together for... THE 1992 TOYOTA DEATHCAB DX!!! (clap your hands now!!) purchased approximately 2 years ago for the LOW LOW price of $100, and ONE original painting - the beautiful Deathcab has proven to be a surprisingly reliable, long-lasting companion - despite her appearances. she's previously made it up and down the east coast; and to and from the far reaches of southern alabama without incident. our boy, jamie, is determined to ride her hard as far as she will go - whether it's another mile, or another 10,000 miles. the Deathcab's most notable feature, aside from her extensive rust apparel, is the large murder city devils skull emblem adorning her hood (stencilled & spray-painted by mr. jamie). if we turn our attention to the miss' backside, one notices she's quite exposed; her gas tank and fuel lines are showing - though also elegantly dressed in rust. the bumper that once protected her derriere, is rumored to have broken off when someone drunkenly backed her into a hill. but who would do that? who? the Deathcab's trunk, though no longer able to latch shut (chain-locked from the inside), is finely tattooed with the emblem of the swedish duet - rough bunnies. yes, the 1992 Deathcab DX. a fine piece of machinery. she purrs like a... gorilla; gets tremendous gas... mileage; and has one heck of personality; and she's not even a fatty. unfortunately though, our lady did not recieve a clean bill of health before this adventure started. she is currently ailing from a multitude of injuries, all of which are quite fatal. there is no doubt that this adventure will be her LAST HURRAH. let's make the most of it...

meet a boy

this is jamie. now before this whole adventure started, jamie was living in the small town of boone, nc. he moved there back in 1996 to go to college at appalachian state university. in december of 2000, he graduated with a BFA in studio art. he's a bit of the artistic type, you see. he stayed in boone, working odd jobs; while also continuing to make and exhibit art on the side. then he started working for cheap joe's art stuff - a mailorder art supply company. that was about 3.5 years ago. now, the average cheap joe's customer is 65+ years old, retired, and female. jamie was a customer service rep. so everyday, and all day, he talked to these old folks - in addition to the multitude of californian rich-bitch types who think they're "professional artists." think of all the barbaras, nancys, and phyllises in the world. now think of their ages. and how much money they have. and spare time. now think how many have alzheimer's, or other such mental or physical ailments. yes, these are cheap joe's customers - collectively known as the army of "barbaras"(said w/ a thick, raspy new york / florida accent). jamie was sick of the job after 3 days (and was nearly fired for voicing it to cheap joe, himself), much less 3.5 years. but he stuck it out and became a good fit for the company. and it worked out well for him too. he continued to make art on the side, and actually started getting recognized in his small town. he became a member of a studio/art gallery - the Nth (one day someone will update the website); exhibits became more and more frequent - the good life, a bad candidate for living, about face; and he also started showing work outside of north carolina (here's a painting that was shown at the mobile museum of art). CLICK HERE TO GO TO MY ART GALLERY. he always had his art; and the j-o-b was always secondary. he had made good friends and his family was nearby. so, you could say, jamie was content. but after roughly nine years in boone - the day finally came when he knew he had to say goodbye. it was time for our boy to leave...

what did happen exactly?

to find out we'll have to go back to the beginning of the story. actually, let's go back even further. shall we?...

but, but, but...

uhh...wait? what just happened?? what about err... uhh canada? where did it go?

that's right, i made it!!

a big fuck you! to all the doubters and player haters out there who never thought i'd make it this far. oh wait, that's me...

a whole lot of nothing

there is absolutely nothing out here. nothing. drove thru lancaster, mn - population was 346 or something.

keeping my fingers crossed

on the way to the border crossing.

an exchange

went ahead and exchanged some currency while at a gas station in pembina, nd. asked the girl running the register some questions about canada and the border. turns out the I-29N border crossing gets an enormous amount of traffic and can sometimes take an hour to get thru. she said there's a smaller crossing 20 minutes east from here - north of lancaster, mn - so, i'm gonna head there and keep my fingers crossed.

concern in pembina, nd

made it all the way to pembina, nd without further incident. minutes from the canadian border. i've decided not to use the brake pedal from now on; just downshift and use the emergency brake to come to a complete stop. my main concern isn't having the brakes lock on the interstate again; i now know if i'm going fast enough i can burn thru them. the border crossing is what scares me. having my brakes lock on me then. can't accelerate out of locked brakes if i'm already at a complete stop - that's what happened at the target in grand forks, nd.

never take no for an answer part II

"when you don't take no for an answer, there is still a chance you'll get what you want." - 2046

i drop from 65mph to 45mph in seconds. shift down to 4th; keeping the gas floored. rpms shoot thru the roof. start to maintain speed. slowly accelerate thru burning brakes.

4 minutes go by...
4 minutes of burning brakes...

and then...

the brakes release... my eyes are filled with tears.

never take no for an answer

"everything, considered, a determined soul will always manage." - albert camus the myth of sisyphus and other essays

i sat in my car outside the service station... i turned the ignition, pulled out onto the road, and cautiously headed towards winnipeg, mb.

just got on I-29N... accelerating... in 5th gear now, going 65 mph...

my brakes lock...

for everyone (except the casual reader)

i think this might be a good time to try to explain a few things -

some of you know the actual condition of my car and the risks i'm taking and have taken before i departed on this trip. to this point, i've mainly made light of the situation for my own sanity; as well as those that care about me. i do understand the real mortal dangers involved with what i am doing; and i'm talking more than just about driving this car. these things do weigh heavy on my mind and heart.

"so why do it?" put yourself in my shoes and ask yourself the same question. (to expand...) "why quit my job and abandon, at the very least, a comfortable life? why leave town? why say goodbye to close friends and family? why set out on the road with a not-so-safe car that may get nowhere, or worse; with little security; little money; and no plan or destination?" and your answer?

there is an infinite number of reasons why i've chosen to do this; but it all boils down to a simple truth - i know in my heart that i have to; not only for my future; but for the futures of all those who are, and will be, in my life.

(furthermore...) take all those things you've always dreamed of; yet, never imagined you'd do; no matter how big or small. now, think about all the reasons and excuses why those dreams have not come true - the work, the risks, the consequences, logic, perception... "intelligence alone... strives to stifle the underlying demands of the human heart." - albert camus, the myth of sisyphus and other essays

there will always be a reason. and there will always be someone to tell you you're wrong; what you're doing is wrong. but, it is all trivial in the end.

do you want to look back and say your life was filled with excuses? or your dreams? your answer?

i am taking risks in order to achieve those things i've dreamed of; yet, never imagined i'd do; no matter how big or small; and in spite of all the excuses. "for what is anything worth... if you don't put yourself at stake in whatever you choose to do." - filippa naslund.

(maybe, i should've just said that at the start?)

internal / external

i sat in my car outside the service station...

so, now my car is going to abruptly and severely brake at random... bad brakes; bad clutch; bad everything... it could all go at any minute. it's held together only by the threads of my own hopes and dreams; that's it. i know this...


but is life not held together by these same threads; just as precariously?
we can all go at any minute.

no answers

to make along story short - the BP guy couldn't do anything about my car. said it's probably the master cylinder that was just replaced a few days ago; or it could be a valve; or a crimped brake line. they can't find out without taking it all apart. they don't want to do that; and i don't want them to do that. they were able to drive it into and out of the service station without any problems. they bled the brake lines some, but he said there is no way that could be the problem. i asked if there's anything i can do if the problem arises again, which we both agreed would happen. said i could try breaking off one of the brake lines from the master cylinder, but then i'd be running on no brakes instead of all brakes. shit. on top of it all, he charged me for doing nothing. $10. sure it's not much, but it's just enough to piss me off.

is this the end of the deathcab? part III

so, i'm in yet another tow truck driving to yet another auto shop. this driver is pretty alright too. explained the brake situation to him; he seems to think the guys who replaced my brake line yesterday didn't bleed the lines properly. hopefully, that's all it is. so we're chatting - he's talking about his wife and how most women around here don't drive; it's the man's thing to do. "but yah, i let her drive. she's put more miles on her car in the last two years than she did in the previous..." silence... SCREECH!!! the person in front of us stops short at a yellow light, and the tow truck driver slams on the brakes. my car and the truck jerk forward and back and i can see my hubcap fly off. hmm...great, i don't even get to wreck my own car. i get out and take a look. doesn't seem to be any damage; just the flying hubcap. pick it up; get back in the truck and continue to the service station. the truck driver is fuming; doesn't want to talk. to lighten the mood i say, "well, maybe that fixed my brake problem." he remains silent.

guess what?

it wasn't the emergency brake. my brakes locked up on me again shortly after leaving the truck stop. i was fortunate to be in the target parking lot at the time. tried shaking the brake lines to no avail. can't budge the car at all now; not enough momentum. just smells like god awful burned brakes. another call to AAA. get it towed to a BP service station up the road.

another parking lot sunrise

woke up early so i could get my day started and get over to winnipeg asap. figured i'd snoop around grand forks some first; find a library to do the updates, then hit the road. bunch of RVs and campers parked here. must be a pretty happening little joint.

leaving - truck stop in grand forks
starting mileage - 200527
destination - winnipeg after scoping out grand forks

dinner conversation

got me an english muffin with a fried egg and sausage patty. greasy goodness!! while munching down, i overhear these guys talking at the booth next to me. two locals; one foreigner - all truckers. one of the locals is commenting on how strange this foreigner's eating habits are - steak and eggs - not that odd really. but this local's never seen anything like it before; can't even fathom it. "that's so weeerd, yah no? how can yah doo that? isn't it gross?" (i know i'm probably mixing scottish and fargoish here; try to follow though). foreigner, with actually a less foreign accent than the locals, explains, "it's no different than having sausage and eggs, or ham and eggs, really." local guy sees the light, "yah, you no yeer probablee right? i neever thought a bout it like that beefor."

twilight zone

what is it with these truck stops? another attractive girl works here too. it's always just one, though. never more than that. this one works at the register to the shower / laundry facilities. she sees me as i get out of the shower room and looks at me a little odd. probably expecting an older fat grizzly bear of a truck driver to walk out. nope just some freshy-cleaned 26 yr old kid still dripping wet - that's me. she must've started her shift while i was in the shower. didn't notice her before. i smiled and said hello; gave her my shower key. that's it. didn't want to get my hopes up. she was on the phone too. noticed she didn't have an accent though. hmm... someone who's not from north dakota, but has wound up working graveyard shift at a truck stop in north dakota. my future?

grand forks, nd

drove straight to grand forks, nd. it's a long trip. thought about stopping in fargo, but i want as little driving as possible to winnipeg tomorrow. it's about 2 hours north of here, and i can hit fargo on the way back. found a truck stop again. not a T & A. don't know the name of this one. they have shower and laundry facilities. able to get clean all over again. took a good 40 minutes in the shower room. cost $5. worth every penny. did my laundry too for the first time. fresh clothes on a clean boy with a soon-to-be full belly.

sucker indeed

get back in the car after taking the pictures of the ducks. put my emergency brake down and pull onto the road; but it feels like the brake hasn't released. look at it to make sure i put it down, yup. fuck. fuck. fuck. i pull into a parking lot. think about it - hmm... better be the emergency brake and not my front brakes that i just got "fixed." give glenn a call (my sister's soon-to-be hubby / my car guy); ask him what i should do. tells me to try to spray the lines with some wd-40; hopefully that'll loosen em up. i don't have wd-40. shit. so it's about 8pm. i don't want to be working on my car in the dark in alexandria, mn. start running down main st. to try to find an auto parts store. oh look, the scandinavian gift shop-fuck you!! find an a/c repair guy loading his van. run up and ask him where a napa or the like might be; says it's up the road 6 more blocks. shit. start running faster. then think - that guy probably had some wd-40. too late. i see an auto shop still open on the other side of the road. cross thru oncoming traffic. the mechanic has a car lifted and is inspecting it. i try to tell him while gasping for air, "i'm from... out of town... and i think... my... emergency brake... got stuck and won't release..." he shows me, on the car he's got lifted, these 2 brake lines i just need to pull on to release the brake. but then he offers to go with me and help me out. awesome. so, he drives me back to the car; sure enough, he shakes these brake lines - problem gone. woo!!! let's get the fuck out of alexandria, mn.

sucker

everyone's a sucker for cute ducklings. me included.

look, another beach

no, it's just one of the 10,000 lakes in minnesota; just a block down the road from our viking friend. it's really weird - the lake is level with the road and ground around it. you could just drive into it if you wanted. i decided to park next to it instead.

the birthplace of america

saw a billboard on the interstate for THE SCANDINAVIAN GIFT SHOP - DOWNTOWN ALEXANDRIA. had to pull over. so, ya, alexandria, mn. not much to write home about. didn't see the gift shop but i did find this giant statue. apparently, the vikings founded america in alexandria, mn; no dates given. i was unaware of that. after the fact, i realized i should've taken a picture of me humping his leg or looking up his skirt, at least. next time.

another lease

left st. cloud with yet another new lease on life. working clutch. working brakes. hurray!! since i'm already heading northwest, figured it's a sign i should keep going that way and catch wolf parade/arcade fire in winnipeg tomorrow nite rather than go back to minneapolis. never been to canada. should be interesting.

message to cindy

so it's a rusted brake line. the story of my life with this car. another $91. about $300 in car repairs so far; post-departure that is. lady working the counter is again named, cindy. odd, very odd.

"hey, my cindy, maybe you should give up the paralegal / h.r. career. apparently it's your fate and the fate of all cindys to work at auto shops. think of all the good times you'll have. you could call it the tranny trany shop - the best of both worlds. or not? fine... whatever..."

flashback

another random coffee shop - peaberry's. i sit down and relax. talk with one of the girls working; never got her name. she's an english major, graduates in a year. minnesota accent - forgot about that; like it for some reason. i ask what her favorite literary period is (i really have no idea why i ask. still seems odd for some reason). she says rennaissance and another i can't recall; she likes shakespeare (i'll never understand that) and is in love with wordsworth. i ask if there's much to do in this town - st. cloud, mn? tells me about a few bars that sell super-cheap drinks, but "yeah, there's really not much to do here. well, unless you like fishing or bowling." aahh... sounds like iowa all over again.

clearwater rd

the mechanic said there was a bar up the road if i wanted to chill there. walked by, but 3 pick-up trucks with racing decals were parked right in front. no other cars anywhere. decided to keep walking. ended up on clearwater rd. heading towards downtown and the university area.

strictly business

no transexual jokes with this place.

is this the end of the deathcab? part II

checked out 5 car places in st. cloud. 1st one - couldn't look at til next week. 2nd - no one there. 3rd - refused service due to the condition of the car. already had that once in boone,nc too. 4th - couldn't look at it til next week. 5th - finally someone who can help me out. C.A.R.S.

braking plans

once again, i didn't get very far. found first avenue though. actually passed it at least twice last nite without realizing it. the brakes have gone out. smells like burning, and i can barely come to a stop. getting on the interstate and heading to a smaller town to get the car looked at before i get in a huge wreck. i-94 w to st. cloud, mn.

a new day at the T and A

so, no amanda. no prostitute either. a quiet night at the truck stop. gonna head back into the city and try to find first avenue for tonite's show, and the swedish institute. i'm a sucker for anything swedish or scandinavian. mostly, the music; and the women too.

leaving - the T & A in wisconsin
starting mileage - 200075
heading back to - minneapolis / st. paul

a quickie

now, i've noticed amanda hasn't left yet. she comes out a couple times to mess with the register. we exchange glances and smile at each other. she walks by me to go to the bathroom to change out of her work clothes. more glances. smiles as she walks by. thinking - shit, i better scarf down this food. so i do. she comes out and looks even more amazing without her doodoo-brown work uniform on. she's saying goodbye to her co-workers. still have half my coffee. she looks at me and smiles. already paid my bill!!! walks out the door. coffee, shit!!! chug chug chug!!! i walk out pretending i'm heading to my car...

she's already in her's and pulling out of the parking lot.

prostitute parking

another waitress brings my food out. katie. chatted with her quite a bit. ask if the parking lot is safe if i spend the nite. "oh, you're not gonna get hurt or anything. no, not here. a prostitute might come up to your car though." i respond, "shit, i'm kind of excited now. i'll stay." she laughs.

a diamond in a pile of shit

a couple hours later i'm finally out of minneapolis and all its surrounding suburbs. never did find first avenue. ridiculously tired at this point. found the willow river state park about 20 minutes east in wisconsin. checked it out but they wanted $10 for parking and another $12 for camping. fuck that. found a T & A truck stop up the road and parked there. went in to see about a shower. they've got 'em but you need some kind of trucker's card. so went into the bathroom and washed there. then deliriously wandered thru the dining area. a waitress spots me, "looks like you need a cup of coffee." she's surprisingly young and attractive. not what i expected at a truck stop diner. expected a hairnetted 44 yr old lady; cigarette dangling out of her mouth, asking, "whatchya want to eat, hun?" as she ashes in my coffee. all the other waitresses fit this description. this girl though, like a diamond in a pile of shit. name tag says amanda. didn't really want any coffee. wanted to go to bed, but she got me. sat down at the bar. talked to her a little bit. she asked if i wanted anything to eat. i didn't. but like i said, she got me. ordered a couple scrambled eggs and toast. i asked what time the diner closed. "it doesn't. 24 hrs." asked what time she worked til. "11pm." look at the clock right in back of her. 10:56pm. gotta work fast.

back to the future

only to return a mile later; lost as fuck in downtown minneapolis. took a wrong turn up a parking garage. never done that before. went up 5 levels trying to find the exit. finally did, a tight spiral back down. didn't see it coming. was somehow in 4th gear thru the whole thing. slammed on the brakes at the bottom and stalled out right in front of the exit gate; the attendant - a black guy, my age - is staring right at me. "yeah, so i took a wrong turn and wound up in the parking garage. sorry about that." he looks at me, looks at my car, shakes his head, and let's me out. no charge.

deathcab as dolorean

at that very instant, i break the sound barrier and enter a strange new dimension...

ladies and gentleman; boys and girls...

we've done it! 200,000 miles!!

minneapolis, mn

a bit nervous driving in at night, but figured i'd take a tour of downtown and try to find the venue the bands are playing at tomorrow nite- first avenue. almost at 200,000 miles.

minnesota

stopped off at a shopping center south of minneapolis in lakeville, mn. i think i'm gonna like it here. i already do. lots of amber atkins girls around.

music in mason city, ia

started heading towards minneapolis. stopped off in mason city, ia. my bro, erich said to check out this music store if i passed thru - cdgb's. i did. strange to find a hip little indie record store in the middle of iowa. got the new wolf parade cd. going to minneapolis to see them and arcade fire play. hopefully...

son of a...

killed a mosquito shortly after the john deere getaway. didn't expect such a bloody mess. so braindead; i can't even write son of a bitch properly.

john deere factory tour

no photography allowed in the john deere factory. it's like fort knox here. i should've toured the tyson chicken factory next door instead. i could've taken some awesome chicken carcass photos!! the tour was a little longer than anticipated. 1.5 hrs. first, we watched a 19 minute film about the history of john deere and the secret he's kept all these years - yes, he's queer. no, some BS, "i won't put my name on anything i haven't put my best into." blah blah blah... boring!!! oompa loompas!!! now!!! after the film, we go into the actual factory and are put onto a chain of seated carts that are pulled by a small john deere tractor. some really old guy is seated up front talking to us thru a staticky mike and stereo system; telling us about what we're supposedly seeing. can't really understand much he's saying. sounds like he left his dentures out; or like boomhauer on king of the hill. he keeps saying "now, over here is the blah blah 8.1 deisel fuel 18 cylinder blah blah..." but he never points or faces to where this over here is. so, all 20 or so of us on the tour, are just turning our heads around trying to find what the fuck he's talking about. everything here is definitely yellow and green. EVERYTHING!!! no smiles though; nowhere to be found. though all the employees are riding these goofy 3-wheeled bikes around the factory. baskets, horns, ribbons and all. it's pretty funny - these greased up beer-belly mechanic/trucker guys (and a few gals who look about the same) riding these things around; occasionally waving a hand to us. the tractors are pretty cool and ginormous. like transformers. left immediately after the tour. no gift shop crap for me; just wanted out. hadn't eaten breakfast yet, was feeling woozy from the slow driving, old guy static mumbling, the climate controlled factory atmosphere, and flourescent lighting. ran out of the john deere factory in the pouring rain. started thinking about it and laughed. i'm running away from the john deere factory in waterloo, ia in the pouring rain. WHAT THE FUCK?

the state of flies

there's flies everywhere in this state. all up in my shit in the car. remembered asking mitch, the tow truck driver, about that, he said it's from all the horses and cows in the area, and the weather too. DIE FLIES!! DIE!! in other news, with any luck i'll top 200,000 miles with the Deathcab today; but first john deere.

leaving - george wyth state park
starting mileage - 199741
destination - john deere factory then off towards minneapolis

lessons from the wild

from into the wild by jon krakauer -

"i wanted movement and not a calm course of existence. i wanted excitement and danger and the chance to sacrifice myself for my love. i felt in myself a super-abundance of energy which found no outlet in our quiet life." - leo tolstoy "family happiness"

"... the two basic ideals of man - without them he is unthinkable - the idea of free personality and the idea of life as sacrifice." - boris pasternak "dr. zhivago"

"there are no events but thoughts and the heart's hard turning, the heart's slow learning where to love and whom. the rest is merely gossip, and tales for other times." - annie dillard "holy the firm"

another nite at #5

was a nice swim today at george wyth's faux-beach. a good way to relax after a couple days of car fiascos. finished reading into the wild tonite too. had wanted to do that while i was here in waterloo. started and finished it here. saw a crazy, mangy cat earlier. went to pet him after a few minutes of him running away and then coming back and meowing like a fool. he would stand on his hind legs to reach my hand half way; standing like a squirrel when it senses food or oncoming traffic. it was like he was "giving me five" with his head. scratched his back too but that pissed him off. the head; he loved.

melanoma here i come

notice the severe case of driver's tan. half of me has a george hamilton glow about it.

greetings friends from the beaches of waterloo, ia

iowa has such a lovely coast. i can see the interstate from here. it's gorgeous. the water is a bit nipply and green, but the sand is as expected - up in my cracks, and nice and cool mushed between my toes. oh no!! SHARKS!!
much love,

jamie

message to jill

stupid question. we all know, i don't know when to quit. i rescheduled a tour for tomorrow morning. gonna camp one more nite at george wyth #5. but this john deere factory better be hot shit!!! you hear me jill!!! i want smiling redneck oompa loompa workers doing cartwheels and somersaults while assembling (with love) giant yellow and green tractor toys made of candy for me, me, me!!!

decisions. decisions.

started walking back towards the 'trany shop.' was getting a little nervous that i hadn't heard anything after 3 hours. got a call from them on my way there, "your little baby is ready." just the master cylinder. $186 and change. not too bad. picked it up drove it around. got a new lease on life. woo-hoo!! can switch gears and split town. but shit, what about john deere? should i risk breaking down again and being stuck in waterloo, FOREVER????

the best little trany shop...

while me and cindy are gabbing, the mechanics check out the car and determine it's the master cylinder; or the slave cylinder; or both. they won't know until they get in there and take it apart. figured i'd walk around downtown while they do that. got their business card so i could call them later. then went off wandering. mailed some postcards, went to the library, and got a good cheap sandwich at the boardwalk deli. finally looked at the business card while eating my sandwich. "the best little trany shop..." started chuckling. try doing a google search for trany shops. you'll find some interesting things.

what to do in iowa?

all car transmissions - a husband and wife owned place; bud and cindy. thought it was a sign of good fortune since one of my best friends is a cindy as well. talked with this one for a long time about a bunch of random shit. she's the kind that likes to talk, i'd say. i felt like participating; figured the car was gonna take a while. we talked about ghosts, and ufos, and god, and restaurants, and and and.... my favorite thing? she said she wanted to move to new york city but bud is pretty content in waterloo, and iowa, in general. he's got the business and can "fish, bowl, and drink beer. what more does a person need?"

meet mitch

jill recommended jim lind BP. so, i called AAA to get it towed there. they send over mitch. now mitch is cool as fuck. we hit it off immediately. he's probably 30 yrs old or so - a skinny guy. a lean, mean, witty machine. if i were a lonely lady in iowa, i'd be all over mitch. he starts off - "shit, you'll have to excuse me. i'm delirious from working like 16 hour days and getting no sleep." immediately i'm thinking - cool, someone like me - delirious. "i'm probably equally as delirious myself," i say, and explain about the car and the travels and all. he asks where i'm getting the car towed to; tell him to jim lind BP. "you wanna pay a shitload of money, or something?" "no, no, i'm not from here and that's the only place that i know of. a friend recommended it to me." now, i trust mitch already - "if you know of a better place, take me there," i say. he calls the dispatcher and gets me set up with a place just inside my free 5 mile AAA radius. we're off to waterloo to the car shop. while driving over, we start talking about life and travelling and how much AAA sucks (which it does, but i'm still glad i have it). says he's lived in 16 different states, travelled a lot, hitchhiked some, but always came back to iowa, even though he hates it. "one day, i just don't want to come back." best tow truck driver ever. drops me off at "the best little trany shop around."

is this the end of the deathcab?

didn't make it far. tried to pull out of my site #5, but the clutch is gone gone gone. first and reverse are all i've got. good thing it happened at the campground, and not in the middle of the interstate. not even stressed about it now. quite relieved that it finally happened and i'm still in one piece. so, i guess i'll be in cedar falls / waterloo for a while. fitting that i'm stuck in the same town jill was stuck in. at least, i got to see her church. cancelled the john deere tour. ain't drivin across town in first gear; reverse, maybe. called jill; asked if she knew a good mechanic in the area.

skullfucked

camped another nite at george wyth. site #5 again. woke up this morning and noticed somebody fucked with my skull. pretty sure it happened in omaha, ne. recalled chris' neighbors are crazy meth-heads and there was a shitload of kids there who could've easily done it too. what gets me though is the fact that they didn't do anything cool. you think if some punk is gonna fuck with someone's car, my car in particular, they could at least do something clever, like write "GO FUCK YOURSELF, DICKSUCKER!" see, i could appreciate the humor in that. but no, just a sharpie squiggle. it's a shame really.

leaving - george wyth state park
starting mileage - 199681
destination - john deere factory

a fond farewell

i left the church and walked back to the reverend's house. he was talking with his two sons about the prom and who they should ask out? wished 'em good luck on that one, thanked the reverend once more, and gave the keys back. on my way out, he said to tell jill, "let her know, her church is still standing."

for jill

i sat at the organ upstairs, and ran my fingers along each key quietly.

looking up

seemed like the appropriate thing to do.

jill's handy work

from what i recall, jill worked on just about everything - the walls and columns of the church, the intricate stencils, patterns, paintings, etc., etc...

a first time for everything

went over to a house nearby and knocked on the door, hoping someone might be there to direct me as to how to bust into the church legally. turns out reverend ed petty lives there. tell him i have a friend who helped restore the church a couple years ago; as i was just passing thru thought maybe i could get in to take a look around. he just hands me the keys; no questions asked. nice guy i must say, and very trusting. he didn't see my car. so, i walked thru the church - alone. knowing jill had been here and walked the same steps i'm walking now - just made me feel better - less alone and homesick. find myself thinking, "GOD DAMN, this is too beautiful."

sites outside the church

locked gates

found the church. all the doors are locked and no one's around. could break in?? there is a convent in back. i don't know the rules though - if guys are allowed in convents, or if nuns have oaths of silence. imagined playing charades with a pair of nuns trying to show me how to get into the church.

a walk along the river

sometimes when you're homesick and far from home, the last thing you want is to talk to someone you know. you just want to let the feeling pass thru you, and for it to end; maybe it does and maybe it doesn't. i called jill even though a big part of me didn't want to. wanted to let her know that i made it to her old town and also to find out where her church is. there's no chance of me finding it when i don't even know its name. she asked where i was; told her i was walking along the cedar river in cedar falls. she seemed surprised. shit, i am too. what the fuck am i doing here? think about that a lot these days. we had a brief conversation. found out the church is actually in a small town 20 minutes south of waterloo in gilbertville, ia. the immaculate conception. i didn't mention the car troubles, which have got me thinking more and more about endings. didn't say much really.

under a highway

sitting under a highway that crosses the cedar river in cedar falls. a nice breeze; the rumbling of the river and cars overhead. remembered the sound of passing trains in my sleep last nite. soothing. although spilling my mouthwash all over everything in my backpack this morning, was a bitch. now though? calm and somber. and clean. 3 showers in 3 nites. on a roll.

better late than never

the reason i came to cedar falls/waterloo, is for a friend, jill. she lived in the area a couple years ago while working; restoring a church. i had wanted to visit her back then, but never managed to. better late than never. flipped thru a phonebook this morning at the state park to find where the church or a library might be. it just happened to land on the page w/ the john deere factory address and phone # and i immediately recalled a conversation w/ jill about how she had gone there and everything was yellow and green and everyone was happy - all the workers on the assembly line. she made it sound like the farmer's version of willy wonka's chocolate factory. so, i called up john deere and made a reservation for a tour tomorrow. today - gonna try to find the church and check out town.

starting mileage - 199603
checking out - cedar falls / waterloo

a starry nite

found a place to camp inbetween cedar falls and waterloo. george wyth state park. calling it a night. been a long stressful day. at least the temperature is nice here. not gonna have to sweat it out in the back of the car tonite. started reading INTO THE WILD that kelly had given me. the similarities are scary.

waterloo, ia

waterloo. must say there doesn't seem to be much here. drove around some, but my car is scaring me. gonna find a place to crash for the night - sleep that is.

water on the way to waterloo

from ames to waterloo - all grey skies, and heavy rains.

helping a brother out

now in ames, ia. stopped of at a gas station. this guy can't get his car started, so he asks me if i can give him a jump. figured it might bring me some much needed luck to help someone else out who is also having car troubles. so, i agreed. he asked if i was in a band after seeing my car. told him "just travelling, having car troubles of my own." he helped me get the jumper cables out of the back of the car, which is no easy task. requires unlocking the wire cable from the inside of the car that holds the trunk door shut. then unravelling it. then lifting all the bedding and accessories in the back of my car (50 pounds?) to get to the wheel well under all the floorboards where i keep all my car maintenance shit. so did that. chatted. got him started up and ready to go in a few minutes. we exchanged wishes of good luck and he put $10 in my hand. under regular cirmustances i would've politely declined; today, i decided to accept the generosity. figured i'd buy a lottery ticket with it and save the rest. no luck, i'm not a millionaire.

capital clutch probs

saw the state capitol, and then...finally...after all this time, the Deathcab starts acting up on me. the clutch is going out big-time. can barely switch gears. so i decided to get the FUCK OUT OF DODGE!!-or des moines, as it may be, and got back on the interstate.

des moines, ia

made it to des moines, ia. a pretty downtown area, but there was no one around really on a mid-afternoon sunday?

a room in omaha

after a long nite, i woke up in chris' spare room. he's actually moving out of his house in a few days, so i had this big empty room to myself. felt a bit melancholy. homesick i think. took a shower and quietly left, just wanted to get out on the road and be by myself. said goodbye to craig and a couple others who had passed out on the living room floor before leaving.

leaving - omaha
mileage - 199283
heading towards - waterloo, ia